No hands-on victim Inmate Blog. A four and a half year nightmare and beyond

One inmate shares his personal Four and a half year journey of daily journal entries. For over 3 and a half years, this gentleman wrote a journal entry every single day, never missing a day. The journals start out with dream journaling, then moving onto some of the poor conditions and food that was served and any drama, corruption and hardships of the days, weeks, months and years until released in 2019

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- August 26, 2022

It is never explained specifically why you are denied

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1/31/16 Dear Mom

- September 02, 2022

Hey mom how are you? How's life? Sorry I've had to bother you so much on the phone these days it is my only option since dad has not deposited money on my account for me yet. So yeah, I wish we could sit and chat, but you are always annoyed with me and/or holding Ava. Here are the things? I will have a discussion with Lori in regards to setting up a reconsideration hearing and also just vent and ask questions. If judge Irby could just shave off one year of active time that would be awesome. Consider my safety. I am not safe. About every month, I am at risk or I am threatened, or drama and now I am here in admin segregation. But I doubt prison has admin segregation. Consider that judge didn't even read the letters friends & family wrote to judge. She also only spoke of the PSI packet and not the 300 evaluation. Did she even read that? Consider my medical issues. She didn't even acknowledge them. Even the prosecutor didn't know what he was talking about when

June 2015

- June 28, 2015

At some point in jail, in June they finally forced me to go to general population. I would be in a pod of up to 70 to 80 people max. An officer was escorting me down the hallway to this pod, I was telling him how scared and nervous I was. He promised me I would get my own Cell. The name tag on his vest he was wearing said "Campbell" and it was it not his correct name. He exchanged a vests with another person. On the way down the Hall I started to have a severe panic attack. I was shaking so bad carrying a storage bin of clothing, pillow, hygiene and typical jail stuff an inmate would need. so I put the bin down as I was shaking, and I told him I was having a panic attack. He responded "sir, I don't know what's going on with you, but we have to keep moving". Apparently this guy has never had any anxiety problems ever his life. I collected myself after a minute or so and entered K pod. Everyone was in their cells napping after a lunch. Lights were out. I

Dear Mom, 9/28/15

- August 06, 2022

Dear mom, I'm sorry our last conversation was less than pleasant. I had to bring up those personal things between us to get it on record over the phone, so the courts know I did not just make such a crazy thing up. You and I have not spoken of those things between us in some time, and I think we should. I need to be able to move on from this stuff. I sometimes feel these nightmares will never end until you and I get counseling or something. I need closure somehow. We shouldn't have to leave each other out of our lives, to leave it behind and try to forget, as I have tried. You are my mom, and all I ever wanted was a perfect happy "Disney family" where everyone is happy with each other. But no, the stuff between us has forever tainted our relationship making things awkward, and even the sound of my voice annoys you, and you rush me to get onto the point, raising my anxiety, and lowering my self esteem. You and I didn't even physically do anything and it's sti