No hands-on victim Inmate Blog. A four and a half year nightmare and beyond

Administrative segregation is almost like a vacation in jail. It wasn't at first though. I came here yesterday. New places are always scary to me. You don't know what to expect from these inmates ans staff. They put me in a extremely dirty cell with urine and semen all over the walls and who knows what else. I asked for cleaning supplies and was denied. I had to clean every wall, floor to ceiling with my wet rag and soap. I'm now "OK" with the cell. Administrative segregation is lockdown 23/7, only allowing you to have  1 hour, enough time out of your cell alone to shower and make a phone call or two. I don't have to deal with the inmate drama unless they talk to me through the  Window of my cell door. I get to sleep in which I finally did. I feel emotionally a little better now. Three and a 1/2 years is still a shock. I'm trying desperately to find a way to look at it from a best perspective. Not this October but next October of 2017 would be the halfway

PHONE ISSUES Phone system: DSI ITI offender connect facility ID# 100 *(571) area code numbers cost too much. As much as $10 for a 15 minute phone call. I experienced this a lot calling my gf at the time. *Ridiculous confusion on how to unblock an inmate number. A friend accidentally blocked me, and it took her 3-4 months to figure it out. They kept assuring her it was fixed, when it was not. *Collect calls are broken. "This # requires billing arrangements" *Unknown limited number of calls you have.  *High surcharge, and tax should be included in quote. *If you collect call a number once and get voicemail, you cannot collect call that number again. The robot will say "requires billing arrangements" *The volume on the phones need to be adjusted it's too low. (but yes of course it's also noisy in the pod) COMMISSARY & FINANCIAL MATTERS * Items are constantly damaged, crushed or incorrect or simply missing. We are seldom reimbursed. * If a different item ca

It is never explained specifically why you are denied

MISC writings wrapping up 2015 My major concerns upon being released and or enduring long incarceration. *$8k in debt, with a horrible credit score *no car *will be homeless *no shelter can take me *cannot work *lack of friends *cannot fall back on parents *more health issues *probation restrictions *may have to take classes *a ruined resume The cherry on top, is simply loosing x number of years of my life!

Trying to wrap up 2015. Here are misc writings. My health and mental health issues at the time (late 2015) *generalized anxiety *panic disorder *insomnia *dysthymia *sleep apnea *esophageal stricture *hypothyroid *acid reflux/gerd *psychosomatic syndrome *stress disorder *ptsd *tonsil stones *ankylosing spondylitis *psborric dermatitis *bad vision far sighted *dental work needed *cold sores *undiagnosed trouble breathing *hiatal hernia *external thrombosis hemorrhoids *swollen knee *undiagnosed anal gland issues similar to anal leakage

 There is little to do now except keep watch and daydream. My life keeps passing before my eyes in intricate detail, like a B-movie rerun too often. I try to shift my thoughts to the things that I want to do when I am freed. I will spend more time with friends and let them know that I love them. Daydream of future plans of being free, of business, invention ideas and big happy meals, ease my desperation. STOP IT! You are not there. You are here in purgatory. Do not give yourself false hope. Think about survival! But the desire still lingers. It is my one relief. I slowly come to terms with the disappointments of my past. But i begin to see that I have had some valuable  experiences and training  in my hardships. possibly even enough to survive this. If I can pull through, I will be able to lead a better life. And even if I don't live to see my 32nd year, maybe I can still make this time useful. My writings can be found in my cell. My ideas may be useful to someone to change the wor

Dear mom, Hi =) Merry late Christmas and Yule. I hope it was a good one. Did santa surprise you? I wonder what did everyone give and get? Thank you for putting money toward my car. I bet you had a blast shopping for baby girl items.  It's Christmas Day, and I wanted to watch a Christmas Story, but people would rather watch basketball, cops and Telemundo (Spanish tv). Right now, Back to the Future is on. Great holiday movie lol! (saying sarcastically) I would call you collect, but it won't let me. It says "the called party requires a payment". Guess you never put money on the phone. If I call under another person's name, please still answer. It's prepaid anyway. Almost didn't get to talk to you. I heard you say "I don't know a Tim" . I'm glad Jon accepted.  Anyway I'm hanging in there. I asked santa for a new basketball and it came. It's super cheap though. It will last 2 weeks at most. But it's something, and it's warm eno

One of my 1st cellys named Mike, Google'd me and blackmail'd me, demanding I give him some of my  Commissary. Not even an hour later, half the pod knew of me and my charges and were crowding around me, backing me into a corner, as I had to switch pods. It was no longer safe. Another brief celly (the strongest, biggest guy in the pod) made an indirect death threat at me saying "if I find any people with those charges, and I find out it's true, I'll kill him". This was him letting me know he was onto me (even though I had no hands on victim) Another celly Blake, stole my commissary while I was at court. He denied it, and threatened to break my jaw if I had a problem with him taking my stuff. Another celly pushed me head first into a cement wall, leaving a huge bump on my forehead for many days. Another celly heard rumors of my charges from people from my prior pod and came to my new pod and told the current pod my charges.  I thought if I told Mike every angle t

Dear mom,  I'm sorry our last conversation was less than pleasant. I had to bring up those personal things between us to get it on record over the phone, so the courts know I  did not just make such a crazy thing up. You and I have not spoken of those things between us in some time, and I think we should. I need to be able to move on from this stuff. I sometimes feel these nightmares will never end until you and I get counseling or something. I need closure somehow. We shouldn't have to leave each other out of our lives, to leave it behind and try to forget, as I have tried. You are my mom, and all I ever wanted was a perfect happy "Disney family" where everyone is happy with each other. But no, the stuff between us has forever tainted our relationship making things awkward, and even the sound of my voice annoys you, and you rush me to get onto the point, raising my anxiety, and lowering my self esteem. You and I didn't even physically do anything and it's sti

 Dear Mom,   So here is the long awaited update. Sorry it has taken so long. I have been too ill these days, and not well enough to write. But I think and hope my stomach is now settled. I still don't know what my stomach thing was. Medical staff here will not do any testing.   Anyway, so here it goes. My case is not going how I expected. The N.G.R.I is not happening because I know what planet I live on and I am not covering myself in feces. Being sexually abused by Karl at a young age and having a few sexually awkward situations with you and having the sexual nightmares of you, for 16 years and thinking I am some kind of sleeping God waiting for another God or Goddess to come get me and tell me how to awaken my powers and take me to Olympus and be placed in a war to save human kind, is COMPLETLY normal to them, and I am totally competent and sain, and the above stated has apparently NOTHING to do with my charges, nor has any influence they say. HA! Ain't that some shit!? The s

                                 The Average Day at LADC. June through August You wake up at 6:30 a.m-7 for breakfast.  Every cell has an intercom speaker. You are awakened by an announcement letting you know to get up and breakfast will be coming soon. They will be sny enough to even end their announcement by saying "Thank you for choosing LADC" as if you were on some airline on your own accord. After the announcement, Your doors magnet airlocks will detatch, doors with open. Your bright overhead lights will turn on full blast basically blinding you, hurting your eyes.  If you are not downstairs within the next 5 minutes, you will most likely miss breakfast entirely. Other times, you just end up last in line standing in line behind 60-70 other men while you are dead tired because you could not get a wink of sleep the night before because of all the stress, anxiety, and light among other things. If you did not get breakfast, you will starve until lunch.  Trays are prestacked

  At some point in jail, in June they finally forced me to go to general population. I would be in a pod of up to 70 to 80 people max. An officer was escorting me down the hallway to this pod, I was telling him how scared and  nervous I was.  He promised me I would get my own Cell. The name tag on his vest he was wearing said "Campbell" and it was it not his correct name. He exchanged a vests with another person. On the way down the Hall I started to have a severe panic attack. I was shaking so bad carrying a storage bin of clothing, pillow, hygiene and typical jail stuff an inmate would need. so I put the bin down as I was shaking, and I told him I was having a panic attack. He responded "sir, I don't know what's going on with you, but we have to keep moving". Apparently this guy has never had any anxiety problems ever his life. I collected myself after a minute or so and entered K pod. Everyone was in their cells napping after a lunch. Lights were out. I