1/31/16 Journal Entry

Administrative segregation is almost like a vacation in jail. It wasn't at first though. I came here yesterday. New places are always scary to me. You don't know what to expect from these inmates ans staff. They put me in a extremely dirty cell with urine and semen all over the walls and who knows what else. I asked for cleaning supplies and was denied. I had to clean every wall, floor to ceiling with my wet rag and soap. I'm now "OK" with the cell. Administrative segregation is lockdown 23/7, only allowing you to have  1 hour, enough time out of your cell alone to shower and make a phone call or two. I don't have to deal with the inmate drama unless they talk to me through the  Window of my cell door. I get to sleep in which I finally did. I feel emotionally a little better now. Three and a 1/2 years is still a shock. I'm trying desperately to find a way to look at it from a best perspective. Not this October but next October of 2017 would be the halfway point I think. If my body can hang on that long, I think the other remaining years will be easier clear sailing.  I hope and I pray. But at the same time, I worry that prisoner drama will find me. Even in this jail, it seems every couple months I'm dealing with shit like bad cell mates or threats or whatever. Prison is bound to be worse and more frequent. I do not know yet how long I will be here in administrative segregation. But I will enjoy it while I can. I should have another 14 days here or more. This is the calm before the storm. Sooner or later I will be going to some kind of prison. But they will want to put me in another general population pod before prison. People can't stay in admin segregation long term. Although I wish I could. Though lonely, this I consider to be "easy time". I have little hope that I will have a reconsideration hearing. I couldn't think of many reasons to have one but my attorney says we can have one if I complete a mental health program somewhere in time period. The deadline file A reconciliation is 9 months she tells me. 

 I am so lonely. I would love to hear a friend's voice right now especially Shannon. But I still have no money on my account. I feel so alone. A solitary trooper. Where are my Facebook friends!? I need pen pal's bad. 

 I am much more productive here in admin seg. I can finally focus on me, my family and friends, without interruptions of inmates, lockouts with noise and playing card games and what not. I've been writing since morning, and now it is about 6 or 7p.m!

  I finished writing mom. Still waiting for dad to add money to my account so I can call him Tina, Shannon and Erin before I write to them. Oh tomorrow starts 42 months! Tomorrow I will start working out I hope. I still wonder how long I can be here in admin seg. It's only me and 3 others I think, in a pod that has the capacity to hold about 20 prisoners (20 cells) The Cells upstairs are practically new, never in use. It's nice and dark in these cells. The cell lights never come on full blast unless its time to shave on Sunday night.

 I could do some heavy duty time here easy, If my body could handle it. Maybe I could even last the full 3 and a 1/2 years here. If only they could let me stay.