Backstory/ Childhood Upbringing

  First, a little backstory of my childhood upbringing. I am a white Caucasian male, with a great childhood upbringing. I lived in a nice size, beautiful 3 story brick home in the richest county in the country. My father was a head person of C.I.A for 35 years, making six figures a year. My mother was a stay at home mom, and took care of me and my two older brothers Erik and Karl. Each of my older brothers, we are roughly 4-5 years apart each. I am the youngest.

   I had every toy I could ever want growing up. Hundreds of action figures of Ninja Turtles, X-Men, Ghostbusters, Wrestling figures, Nerf Guns and Water guns and more. There was never a shortage of toys to play with. 

We went to church every Sunday as a family (even though I hated it, and later in life, found my own spiritual calling), and we continued to go every Sunday until my parents divorced when I was age 11. We always went on summer vacations, usually a retreat to a family owned cabin in the Catskill mountains which I have fond memories of and I will forever cherish those memories. We had the best Holiday family gatherings of gifts and feasts with my mothers parents, her brother and on rare occasion, other distant relatives. No abuse to us kids at all growing up, unless you want to consider being spoiled rotten.

  Things fell apart  with the whole family when my parents divorced  I wanna say in 1994-95. Older brothers got into drugs, and heavy metal music, mother moved out and started to drink a bit, and me, I was going through puberty and transitioning to middle school. My house was seemingly haunted with all kinds of strange things going on. Me and my brothers were all at odd vulnerable stages in our life, but according to my mom, it had to be done. She originally wanted to divorce my father when I was as young as 4. 

  My brothers and I, did go through traditional schooling public school for most of our childhood. Elementary was no problem for any of us and was my favorite. But during middle school, was when my parents were in the process of getting divorced it made things harder. I became a rebel, and was even resorting to self harming and cutting my arms whilst school.  This inevitably lead me to end up going to a special education school in Fairfax for emotionally troubled students.  The craziness did not stop there. I was still self harming a lot. I went to a few mental hospitals for 2+ weeks at a time, Jumped out of a car when mom was taking me to to school one time, all kinds of crazy things. I had been sleep troubled since a young teen, which also made it hard going to school. My dad would frequently rip down my blinds and one time dragged me down the stairs while I was in my bed sheets. I had a few suicide attempts which includes overdosing intentionally  taking about 30 Motrin (Advil's) I had to have my stomach pumped at the hospital. Tried hanging myself and failed at the knot. Luckily my arms are so hairy know, because they are covered in scars. I use to enjoy the burn of a shaving razor across my arms. Now, I cannot stand the sight of my blood and do not like even having my blood drawn at the doctors office. I have not self harmed since I was 21. I could not do so anymore anyway even I wanted to. There is no room left! Any cutting, I would be cutting over old scars, which would hurt just way too much. 

 My oldest brother Erik managed to graduate public school. But my middle brother Karl, also ended up going to an alternative school and did not graduate, and was a trouble maker himself.  By the time I was 15 and 16, I too, became a truant and had a hard time going to school as it was far away, and the staff would play mind games with you and encouraged me to self harm myself. But of course no one believed me or any of the students because we were all simply just "crazy kids". This private school and the truancy became such a problem for me and my parents that we ALL agreed, it would be best just to drop me out. So I did drop out at 16. Never graduated to this day.  There are plenty of crazy nights and stories I could rant on about like going to juvenile dentation center and me and my brothers eventual substance abuse, but for now, I just want to go over child hood stuff. We can get into the substance abuse and any criminal history later.

  Put short, through the ages of 16 to 20's, it was nothing but smoking, drinking, and playing video games. Doing nothing with my life. Working a few months and then plenty gaps between employment. That's all that really needs to be said.  First job at age 17, which was my longest job. It lasted 1 year and 1 day. Since then, there have been gaps of employment mostly due to mental and physical shortcomings which will become apparent and spoken about in future entries. For now, I think that gives you a brief introduction to me, my parents and childhood. In future entries, more info will flow naturally if and when needed.